back to KL

June 8, 2006 at 11:39 am (work)

my boss is making me go back to KL by tomoro.. for good.. i cannot do anything about it. actually suppose to go back yesterday but tipu-ed them and said that my mum is staying till tuesday so they said, ok go back together wif ur mum. tell me if i should be mad la. last time, they told me i was going to go to work in jakarta, in december 2004. i finally left for jakarta on the 8th of august, with 4 days notice. then, they tell me its only gonna be 3-6 months. then it was 6-12 months. then it was indefinite. after that, they told me they want me to set up an indon opis so i will be heading it. so another one year to go. i was told that bit of information in february. ok fine. so i might as well get comfortable cos i was gonna stay. i bought a blender, i bought a new DVD player cos the old one konked, i bought so many new crockeries cos there wasn't enuff. then, suddenly, i was told that i have to go home. they mentioned it a couple of weeks before i was due to go back. but we were negotiating that maybe rohaya could go home. then they decided, no. i have to go home and it was confirmed, 4 days before i am due back in KL. thanks alot la..

i am so upset la. my poor renan will be alone here and he has been so depressed ever since i mentioned this to him. our plan still stands. we're getting married in august. so now, i have to plan. i will try to get a job in jakarta. renan is not ready to leave his kids. he tot i was gonna be here till at least feb/mar next year so that'll leave him plenty of time to inform his kids that he wil be leaving them and that he will come and visit them as often as possible. but to just leave them now, he tak sampai hati. i totally understand. so if i have to quit my job and move there for awhile to be wif my husband. i will. i will do anything to be wif him. my goal in life is not to have a fantastic career or make so much of money. its to make sure my family is well taken care of and that we're happy. so yes i will quit my job soon. i dunno when. if i don't find an appropriate job in jkt, as long as renan can help me wif my bills in KL, i will drop everything here and go there. meanwhile he will prepare his kids for his leave and we will try to find a really good job for him in KL so we can come back to KL as soon as possible. he said give him at least 6 months to do that.

i know this is all dugaan. nothing good comes easily. everyone knows that. so we have to be patient and strong. both of us. i am just so glad i got plenty of great frens like u guys to help me get through this. but i really feel so sad for him, cos he doesn't have anyone like any of u guys to talk to about this whole thing. yes, he has his mum and family. but still. its different. so terpaksa la aku layan his paranoia, his insecurites while we're apart. he's so afraid that he will lose me during these hard times. i haven't been able to say such things about my partner in a long long time. so bottom line is, i'm so lucky to have him. and i will never do anything to hurt him or ruin wat we already have. :)

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the dreaded meeting

May 25, 2006 at 4:14 pm (life)

i met joe earlier for lunch. i didn't plan to have lunch wif him. but he was coming over to mont kiara to pass me my mails. and he wanted me to sign some stuff. i felt so nervous about meeting him. i wanted to go over to the house to pick up my mail myself while he was not home. but i lost the housekeys, then i called the housemates but they were in the states. so… i had no choice to call HIM. then he said he will come by today to pass me the stuff.

met him downstairs.. signed the papers.. and passed me my mails. then he asked wanna go for a drink. i said actually i wanna buy my lunch.. so makan je la.. we went to mcdonald's. he asked me how was i, how is work.. and how is jkt.. i said everything is very very good! and i never once asked him about how he is doing.. how is work.. nothing. he started talking about wats going on and i never asked anything. i just listened. and he was looking at me. and i asked why.. he said nothing.. and he seemed so pitiful. too bad la.. he had his chance and he blew it. anyway, he will never make me as happy as renan makes me. not even close.

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dugaan…

May 21, 2006 at 3:19 pm (life)

we got so frustrated yesterday trying to look for a kebaya sunda to rent for my wedding. either the shop is trying real hard to hide from customers or.. they don't have anythign nice.. or.. they were wayyyyy to expensive to rent. u know, over here.. trying to find a place with just an address is like going on a treasure hunt ok! alamat diorang parah la… sumore sometimes the nombor rumah or kedai tak berturut.. it could be.. 1, 4, 10, 3, 7.. APER TUH????

ok.. nevermind.. so we saw a few and decided.. better we just make la.. it gonna cost abit more than our budget.. but at least we get to keep it. so we went to buy the material semalam. we bought his last 2 weeks.. light copper brown. so i bought dark brown yesterday. very beautiful. he loved it the moment he laid eyes on them. now we need to find a good tailor to sew me a beautiful kebaya. have to call her wen i get back from KL.

which reminds me.. i am not even sure if i am gonna be in jakarta for long. my boss, kevin told me, he wants me to come back to KL for good.. cos they need me to service tv9 and also do marketing for the group. alamak.. so i had to tell him, i am getting married to renan. he was shocked and he hasn't responded much after that. i guess he will talk to me about this wen i get back to KL

the thing is, they put me here.. expect me to live here alone for a long time. then tell me i will be coming home wen the new kolig joins. then tak jadi. i have to stay for another year. then wen i plan my life..they tell me i gotta go home? that the hell la.. geram i.. so renan and i spoke about this. and we realised, its abit too soon for him to find a job in KL. he has no  leads yet and we wouldn't want him going there and take any job he could get. so we decided, if they really want me to be in KL, fine. i will resign. 2 months notice, no problem. me in KL, renan here. but we will see each other as often as we can. then, after that 2 months, i will come back here, and get a partime or freelance job, so i will not be bonded to a company. and during all this he will try his best to find a great job in KL so i can come back home with him.

what did the company expect me to do? move back to KL, then after i get married in august, then wat? let me live away from my husband? no thanks! they should know better. so i leave it to them. either they want me to stay here and take care of business her, or bring me back to KL and i will resign by end of this month. whatever it is, we have plans for either way. wish us luck!

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May 21, 2006 at 2:19 pm (life)

kebaya1.JPG

the beautiful kebaya sunda

63_Emerald_w1.jpg

this ring is an emerald cut. mine is princess which is more square. same settings though.

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mak tiri

May 15, 2006 at 1:57 pm (life)

you know what, i realised that when i get married to renan, i will earn myself a ready made family. i mean, he was married before.. and he has 3 kids. andddd.. i am gonna be a step mother! i will have 3 anak tiri! oh my god! whatever it is, they're gonna be my kids too kan.. cos they're my husband's kids! not that its a bad thing.. but.. wow…

anyway, renan told his mum last night that he knows i would be great to his kids. he said, knowing their characters, they will love me la. i hope he's right. he hopes that when they're older, they will come to me when they're in toruble or if they need someone to talk to. knowing they're mother is err.. not exactly.. the right person to talk to.. and also maybe they wouldn't wanna share certain stuff with their dad, i would be the most appropriate person to talk to. he told his mum, he feels alot more at ease knowing this cos he said he KNOWS i will be able to give great advice and i would also know whats best for them.. so sweet kan.. for him to have that much of faith in me… sigh…..

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some update

May 11, 2006 at 9:28 pm (life)

heard from a fren. that joe has been telling her that he hasn't heard from me. and that i must have blocked him on MSn and yahoo. he's wrong.. i deleted him. anyway.. he also told her that he's been going out alot lately.. he's abit sad la that we broke up. anddd.. the highlight of this post is… he started drinking alcohol again.. after 3 years he quit. anddd.. he had the cheek last time to say. that i would most like start drinking again if we were not to be together again anymore. yeah right la.. see who kalah. i am still clean from all alcohol.. in fact have not been out clubbing for the past few months pun.. and see what happened to him. sigh….

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engagement ring.. wedding ring.. suffering..

May 9, 2006 at 8:14 pm (no more sad love life)

we purchased our wedding bands and my engagement ring last weekend. wedding band is simple, white gold with no stones. the surface will be duffed roughly so it will look sand like and glitery all the time. my engagement ring, princess cut single stone. i love it.

then we went to buy kain to make renan’s baju melayu teluk belanga together wif his gold songket. this is for our akad nikah. my baju, i will be renting the a beautiful beige kebaya sunda. then we also bought for both our mummies, their baju for the akad nikah. brown tones with gold threads. very nice. i like it.

my mum will be coming to jakarta with me when i come back here on the 29th. renan also will be travelling back from KL to jakarta wif me that date. so all 3 of us will be flying to jkt. so nice. mummy’s gonna stay till the 4th june. so we will have plenty of time to go to the tailor and make her baju. since in JB susah la nak carik tailor yang bagus and can sew beautiful brocades into indonesian kebayas. my tailor here is cheap and he does a great job. dah lah tuh. takyah nak fancy fancy sangat kan.

well, thats it so far. will update you guys real soon. have a great week! muah!

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our wedding plans

May 3, 2006 at 5:00 pm (life, no more sad love life)

we wil be getting engaded on the 1st of july. renan will come to meet my family on the 25th of may. that will be the first meeting la. from there we will discuss about the engagement. tentatively we have planned for 1st of july. before that, faizal said he will be coming after the 12th of june to visit me. i think wif eve la.. dunno if my mum will be coming or not. then they will meet again and get to know each other more. as some of you might not know, faizal’s abit sceptical about this whole thing.. belif it or not.. he still don belif me and joe broke up. he thinks we will get back together.. yeah right man.. over my dead body! anywayyy…. maybe when he does see all this happening he will finally belif that i AM gonna get married to renan as planned. so yeah, engagement should be around the 1st of july. renan will bring his mum down to JB and meet my mum and faizal. and discuss further about the wedding plans la..

we have somewhat confirmed that my nikah date in jakarta will be on thursday, 24th of august. fareez would have just finished his SPM trials and that’s during his school holidays. we will nikah in a masjid followed by a simple reception at the masjid hall. which is very common here. only my immediate family will come. my mum, faizal and fareez. any of you guys are able to come, please do. you are all invited.

initially, the kenduri in JB will be right after the nikah. but my mum said its gonna be so rushed. she said no hurry la that one.. unless i get pregnant first.. then better hurry it.. haha.. we thought the kenduri simple simple je la.. oni my mum’s family from JB. and renan will come alone la.. maybe just over a weekend. no need his family all. that one later during reception.

reception so far, we planned for january. maybe in the 2nd week or latest also, february. that one will be in oasis and not so big also la. small small oni.. about 200 people max. see how la. well, thats all so far. we went to see our wedding bands and engagement ring. found something i like, but still wanan look around. we bought our reception baju already. kain i mean. need to send for tailoring soon. but that one, since next year.. no hurry too. most importantly, the preperation for the engagement and nikah now. i cannot belif this is all happening!!! someone pinch me!!!

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it’s over

April 17, 2006 at 4:27 pm (my sad sad love life)

i wanted to tell joe that we should break up wen i get home to KL. but just now, he told me, he chatted wif alisa. he added her on frenster, then she added him on yahoo. then they chatted. he pretended that he didn't know i and her were no longer frens. what is she suppose to think la. that me and him are not close enuff to talk about such a big thing? sumore she said sumthing about how's your new bestfren, adri. and he pretended not to know that too. then she said not to let me know that they chatted. i got pissed off la. i mean, HE was the one who told me, NOT to be frens wif her anymore cos she is bad news. then he told me last time, not to be frens wif aie, never to talk to him anymore, not to talk to zureen too, cos she is bad news too. and he has the cheek to chat wif alisa. wat the hell la.. then i said watever la. he said he will delete her from frenster. wat for? i wanted to know WHY he added her in the first place! no answer. as usual.

 anyway, then decided to tell him, doesn't matter la. do whatever you want. i told him, wen i move out of his place, i don think we should see each other anymore. then he said OK. then he asked, so this is it? i said yes. it is. then he said OK. then i said, well, you finally got your wish or watever it is you wanted. he just said, OK. i feel like crying now.

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i met someone

April 6, 2006 at 6:14 pm (no more sad love life)

yes i did. i met someone here in jakarta. he is the most wonderful man i know. reminds me of my dad. yeah.. he is old too.. hahah.. ok la.. not THAT old. just 38. 10 years older. ok la tuh kan. he's the brand manager here in jak-tv. his name is renanda bachtar. the thing is, i think i am gonna get married to him. seriously. i know he can take care of me, i know he won't hurt me sesuka hati, i know he won't take me for granted and he loves me to bits. i am not in love with him yet. but i can fall for him la. not a problem. i can imagine myself being with him for the rest of my life.

how i met him. lets see. he works in jak-tv kan? but the 1st 7 months i have been here, he has not spoken a WORD to me. senyum pun taknak. like so blardy sombong. tau la awak handsome! takyah la nak berlagak ngan aku! siut je, mamat maintain ni. then i also totally ignore him la. for wat right nakgedik gedik wif him. i don even know him so biar la. then i had to go bandung wif a good fren of mine, luke. he's the sales group manager. the jaktv boss, fery asked me to go wif luke cos he wants me to give some ideas on this event they're planning to do in bandung for clients there. then i asked luke who else is going, he said mas renan. i was like.. alameeekkkkk.. habis la my holiday.. i was thinking.. haiyah.. renan is so close to luke. bisu la i this while trip. and suddenly i regretted saying yes to going. then when we all got into the jaktv car wif the driver skali la, luke sat infront. i was like…. NOOOOOOOOOOOO…… sigh.. so i tot.. ok la.. looks like i have to tampal my face to the window screen and look outside the whole 2 hours drive to bandung. a whitney houston song was playing on the radio and renan suddenly asked me, do you like whitney houston? i was like.. oh my god he has a voice! and it started from there la. and we were having so much of fun talking and laughing all the way to bandung, at bandung and the way back from bandung. by the end of 3 days, me and renan became such great frens. he knows about joe and he told me all about himself.

but… there is a slight glitch. he was previously married. he has 3 kids. he was married for 12 years. he rushed into that marriage without getting to know her and in the first few months they were together he knew he wasn't gonna be happy. by then she was already pregnant so.. nothing can be done already. he was a responsible man and he was gonna do whatever it takes to make it work eventhough it was nowhere near heaven. throughout the marriage he was always arguing and fighting with his wife for twelve whole years. and not once he said he did anything unfaithful to his wife. of course they were temptations but he was in a committed relationship so, yeah. like that. i know its his words only. but i know some of his frens and they tell me yes, he is like that. damn i have done 1000X more worse things than he has in his lifetime. but of course thats in my past and i am not ever gonna tell him. my mum always tell me last time, never tell your husband what you did in your past, how many guys you have been out with and how intimate you were with them. just be very vague. i mean, if it was joe, then its different. he's as naughty or more naughty than me. but with renan, i shall not hurt him that way la. i know i have changed alot but i dowan him to worry that i will go back to my old ways.

he has told me before that whoever decides to be his wife will feel like the most secure wife in the world. no worries whether her husband is gonna cheat on her or sakitkan her hati or carik pasal to gaduh or just ignoring her. well, sounds good to me. if you all are wondering if i am in luv wif him, well, not yet.. but i am falling for him la. at work he is so serious.. so quiet.. makes me like.. eeesshh…. nak je gigit.. geramm.. he's not at all the needy type. ONLY if we're alone. then different la.. hehe.. i know i will fall for him. head over heels. remember i have always asled for sumone to sweep me off my feet and make me slowly forget joe.. well, i guess i found it. now.. i need to lay it down for joe slowly.

yes i am still wif joe.. but its gonna end soon. i don chat wif him as often anymore. use to get online every night just to wait for him to get online and chat wif me. in the end all i get is, sorry sayang, nak klua ni.. nak gi makan ngan so and so.. or sorry sayang tertido tadi.. or sorry sayang, i nak gi meetign jap kat mana mana.. then wait for him to get back home at god knows what time for him to tell me, ok sayang.. penat ni, nak gi tido dah.. good nite.. luv u lots. muah. sigh.. since i came back to jakarta on the 20th of march, i have not even once gotten online at night to chat wif him. and baru la dia nak msg i, sayang, tak online ke malam ni? klua ke? dah makan? he waits for me to dissapear for 2-3 days before he will sms me. bodoh tak? oh.. he came here to jakarta for his fren's wedding. a few days after i came back here. i decided to cofnront him wif that nabillah girl from the same apartment as us. and he admitted, he has been frens wif her for 4 months. itu pun dia kata 2 months. then i told him 4 months already i know, then he said. oh yeah.. lupa. wasn't counting. bodoh tak? then he said they're oni frens. nothing more. watever la. same la wif ayin, adeline. sigh.. i am sooo tired of it all.. soo damn tired.. i dah malas nak layan his karenah karenah.. so i told him, thats it, wen i get back i am gonna move out. then i am gonna start dating and meeting people. he said no, dowan… what the hell. then i asked, are you gonna marry me? are you gonna be faithful to me forever? no right, so why the hell not. i am not gonna wait for you to tell me you are done wif me and you wanna find someone else to marry. i think i will do that first. so he said ok. so there you go, i have started to date. seriously.. am i cheating on joe? i guess not.. cos i told him i am gonna do this.. and oni cos he dowan to marry me and he is cheating and lying to me. at least i told him about it. hahaha.. although i DO feel sooo guilty.. sigh.. i have a heart la.. i will not even tell joe i am getting married to renan.. i am just gonna break up wif him slowly over the next few weeks on basis that he does not wanan marry me and i can never trust him anymore and that our relationship is going nowhere.. sigh..

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